#63. Who Are You?
Not just a catchy title for an album.
When we think of ourselves we think in terms of labels; mum, dad, husband, wife, lawyer, coach, runner, left-leaning or shy. The list is endless.
And they are just the business as usual ones; we all know the others, weak, failing, scared, worried, unmotivated… and on and on.
Today however I want to explore the difference between external labels and internal labels and how they create a version of our true identity.
As I wrote on LinkedIn recently, for the longest time I saw myself as a triathlete, because I was. I raced competitively and regularly, but that hasn’t been my reality for many many years.
In fact the last time I tried to be a triathlete I was training for my second Ironman, a goal I was finally ready to take on.
After a few weeks of training I was dialled in, consistent and focused on the challenge ahead. But injury struck, quickly followed by skin cancer. Both affecting my back for many months.
A torn muscle and two surgeries on top of that muscle left me unable to train and therefore race. (You don’t just turn up for Ironman and hope to compete).
This set of circumstances made me realise that I didn’t really want to do Ironman again, but I did want to return to the space where I tested myself.
However it wasn’t until recently that I reflected on what the true desire was - to be so closely aligned with my real identity that there was no question both in my mind and from those that surround me.
This created a strange kind of editing process; removing people from my life, situations, moving house, dropping certain types of work and focusing on what made me happy.
It’s a total cliche, but ironically to find your identity and be happy is a hell of alot of work, and it often sucks.
I remember a method that Tim Ferris used many years ago to relinquish him from the fear of failure, in mapping failure.
By embracing the total failure of a relationship or a project, you reduce the risk of the anticipation of that failure, therefore increasing your chances of success.
I shared this idea with my wife last year. Telling her that now and then I visualise a life without her and my daughter. (You can imagine the shock). But when I think that, there is an overwhelming pain that I feel, well beyond the sense of losing a person.
There are two questions to be asked:
Am I prepared to accept a life that is different to what it is now
How do I feel about that loss?
Both these questions give you a sense of what your feelings are and how you can then move on and live your life with that person.
It is a detachment technique that enables life to move forward positively despite the overwhelming reality that this is all temporary and is only important while we are here.
Our sense of ego and identity, however, isn’t a new thing brought on by social media.
The Egyptian Pharaohs were at this 4,000 years ago. The pyramids of Geza are a literal reminder of their existence, pure ego.
In fact if the Pharaohs had TikTok it would be pure golden chaos.
So how do we fight against the labels that we put on our selves and those applied by society?
We need proof. Undeniable proof.
Proof that we are who we think we are and that there is no chasm of misrepresentation.
How do we get proof? Here is the simplest way I can define the process to enable you to live without labels and be 100% you:
To get proof you need to get results,
To get results you need to take action,
To take action you need purpose,
And that purpose is you.
We have one job in life; that is to extract every single ounce of potential that lies dormant within in our bodies and our souls.
Not for our wives or children, not for society or our tribes.
For us.
Life is a singular selfish act of being the very best version of yourself.
If you can master that, there will be no need for labels.
Your purpose will be to be undeniably you.
Until next week, be.
Gx
Are you playing games you don’t want to be? Let me help you uncover your true path.