The Lone Leader Weekly
22nd Mar 2023
You Are The Center Of Your Universe
If You Get It Wrong. You Have No One To Blame.
#1. Don’t Be A Character. Be An Author.
If you want to live your own life, you must make that mental shift to be an outlier. Prepared to stand alone, a tribe of one.
#2. Learn To Live With The Bruises.
But move forward despite them.
#3. We Can Be Our Own Therapist.
When we look into ourselves, we find ourselves, and it might not be pretty. That is where the answers lie.
Each day we write another chapter whether we believe it or not.
As Lone Leaders and humans in general, we are extremely good at creating stories that define us.
Whether it’s about our identity, sense of success or our place in the world, most of what we tell ourselves is simply not true.
Only this morning, I sat with a friend that shared a very confronting situation of spousal abuse; as you can imagine, I won’t get into that here, but I found it shocking, and it got me thinking.
How does one exist in a relationship that causes harm and takes away your dignity and strength, both mentally and physically?
From what I have been told in many of these situations, negative storytelling is a weapon for control. You are a character in a story that another person is writing, and the story doesn’t have a happy ending.
They are told that they are this, that and the other; they are consumed, but whatever loyalty drives them towards this person and not away.
More stories; he loves me really, it’s my fault, it will get better.
Filling in the data gaps that anyone outside the relationship would be able to see as a clear criterion to end the relationship and get away.
To write a new story, where you are the author.
While I appreciate this is an extreme example, and I share my thoughts with limited knowledge and utmost respect, it perfectly illustrates the power of storytelling and its effect on our lives.
When it comes to Lone Leaders, we use stories every day to get us through, both good and bad. The real insight is in the ability to observe the story, understand the plot, the characters and ultimately, how you want it to end.
In the simplest example, we may share with our partner when we get home that ‘today was shit’, when the reality is that a moment or decision was shit, that we have escalated and applied that story to everything else.
‘Why does this always happen to me?’ – Is a good one. I don’t need to explain it, but you can see how easily a story can define your view of the world and how you move through it.
Here are a few others that we have all probably experienced:
Why are they so successful, and I am not? – You have no idea of their full story, just the cover.
I’m not a leader as I am not good with people – Leadership is a learned skill; you can learn too.
The market is slowing, so I can’t grow – Adapt and overcome, go back to basics and identify where your value lies.
I’m not ready yet; it’s not perfect – You’ll never be ready, so start.
People just don’t get it; they are all wrong; I’ll show them – Maybe you are explaining it poorly; it’s not them, it’s you!
We cannot hide from the fact that we use stories all day, every day. But what we can do is use three simple steps to improve how we deal with them:
1. Observe (self-awareness). Ask why the story exists and what is fuelling it. Most won’t do this as they are afraid of the answer; they choose to suffer instead.
2. Learn (mindset). Once you know why, you start to understand. Avoid making yourself a victim. Take the information as the blueprint for change.
3. Act. (movement). The worst thing you can do is have all that data and do nothing. By taking action, you create progress, and the cycle starts again.
Observe. Learn. Act – over and over and over.
When we look into ourselves, we find ourselves, and it might not be pretty.
That’s where change lives. Not in the superficial comparison to our Facebook friends or TMZ celebrity articles.
Now all you have to do is decide if you are a fiction or non-fiction author.
Until next time. Observe. Learn. Act.
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