The Lone Leader Weekly
28th Dec 2022
Take the learning from any defeat.
That’s where all growth lies.
#1. Let your insecurity be your fuel.
If you are afraid to be alone, bring people together, fearful that you have nothing to say, tell stories. Most of all, don’t let them fuel regret.
#2. Look back with curiosity.
No matter how far you have come, explore what got you here. You are a better person from those experiences, so use them to create a better future.
#3. New Year, new you?
Unlikely. Use the New Year as the next start line if you need motivation, but as soon as the sun rises each day, you get to start all over again.
But let’s explore it from a different perspective.
What if there was nothing to change? What if life is just how it is supposed to be?
Before you dismiss that statement, read it back, ‘What if life is just how it is supposed to be?’ – Not complacent or mundane, not lazy or uninspired, but how YOU want it to be.
I recently got into a conversation on LinkedIn about ‘purpose’ with someone who had found theirs. Over and over, he claimed all of my thinking was ego-led, my goals were ego led and that there was a sense of arrogance to my stance.
Firstly I do. Does it not mean I don’t have a purpose? I believe many of us have a purpose; our only challenge is to bring it to the surface and articulate it if we feel the need.
When I make the statement about life being as it should be, I want to explore the idea of gratitude and acceptance in that we may have found a place that works for us.
And that’s ok. Really, ok.
From a personal point of view, I didn’t need to wait until Dec 31st to ask questions about the good, the bad and the ugly; I spent most of 2022 being forced to explore what it all meant.
Touching on burnout from the business and several months of injuries, surgery and trauma, I had all the time I needed to work out if life was as it was supposed to be.
There is a quote that says that ‘where ever you are, you are right where you are meant to be’ – this is easier to accept if things are going well, but not if you are hanging on for dear life, hoping that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
However, what we miss in these circumstances is the lesson that the universe is providing for us, and the universe doesn’t give a shit about New Year’s Eve; it’s more of every moment, everyday kind of thing.
As if to enhance my point, my ‘journey of revelation’ actually started in November 2019, or was it several years ago in a series of workshops with my good friend Geoff or the moment I felt so lost after I lost my first daughter and met my best mate Paul?
Because all of these moments created a step change in my life, moments that created a seed towards the future that I was yet to embrace.
Recently over dinner, Geoff said that he saw this direction that I was going when we first started working together, and it’s so cool that you are there.
Paul and I speak almost daily about how we are approaching life, embracing the shit bits, appreciating the great bits and discussing what it all means, if anything.
The most important question is – do any of these important moments in my life link directly to a societal tradition of short-term transformation?
No. Because revolution in our lives rarely creates long-term change.
If you look at any change research, it mostly comes down to a simple fact – small, consistent actions create change.
Yes, you need to understand why change is important, but the value is in the action, not the why.
As with my conversation on LinkedIn, my purpose is less important than my actions towards it.
Ryan Holiday recently wrote that the Stoics were as such because they spent more time focused on ‘being’ the right kind of person rather than speaking about it.
- Don’t talk about being healthy and fit – move.
- Don’t talk about reading more – read.
- Don’t talk about spending more time with family – spend more time with family.
The unpleasant truth behind a life that is as it is supposed to be is that the process is mundane, daily, small, and underwhelming.
James Clear speaks to this point wonderfully – the value of good habits and discipline is that it gives you the time to do whatever you want.
I will share with you what I did decide for 2023, and I hope for many years to come:
- Work in 30-day blocks – action focused against my purpose.
- Bed by 9.30 pm – I stay up for no good reason, and it doesn’t serve me.
- Walk my dogs every day – easy exercise no matter what.
- No alcohol for January – just a reset. In 2022 I consumed way too much to cope with life.
- No snacking at night – the body doesn’t like it, end of.
As I said, mundane, but consistent will be life-changing.There is only one goal that should occupy our New Year thinking or any change in our lives:
Will this change bring about a longer, healthier and more fulfilling life?
(Now do it every single day, with every single decision).
I won’t wish you a Happy New Year… but I will wish you a Happy Wednesday.
Until next time. Go be mundane.